Chad & I (this is Lisa here!) met in college when our professor assigned us as lab partners for the semester. We became close friends and remained friends for the next two years. After Chad graduated from college, I visited him and our mutual friend in Minneapolis for a weekend. Chad and I spent the whole weekend talking and laughing. We went on our first date the next weekend and quickly fell in love. One year later, Chad proposed to me on a horse drawn carriage in a park where we had spent many days walking, going to festivals, and having picnics. We got married a year later in front of all of our friends and family.We love kids and we were hopeful to become parents shortly after getting married, but that did not go as planned. At first we were just not, not trying get pregnant; I got off birth control and we lived life as normal. After a few months, I had a gut feeling that there were issues, but I knew I’d have to get more serious before going to a doctor to discuss my fears. That’s when I started using an app to track my cycle and doing ovulation predictor kits religiously. I had weird results from the ovulation predictor kits, which made my gut feeling even stronger. Every month was a new grief cycle – hopeful at the beginning of the month; scheduled ‘busy’ time in the middle of the month; excitement at the end of the month as everything my body did I saw as a sure sign that I was finally pregnant…and then inevitably heartbreak, depression, feelings of inadequacy, and grief so deep only those who have gone through infertility will understand. I blamed myself that I wasn’t healthy enough, I wasn’t committed enough, and I just wasn’t fit to be a mom. Clearly none of this was true. (For those of you thinking that being a little overweight was the issue – and yes, people have told me that was my issue – my hormone imbalance, that is completely unexplained, caused my infertility and most likely also caused the weight gain, not the other way around. But either way, nobody’s perfect!)
After a year of trying on our own, we met with a fertility specialist (FS). We started with a whole bunch of tests and everything was normal with both of us. While tracking my first cycle, the FS noticed that my body wasn’t producing adequate eggs (they were a forth of the size they should be) so she started me on clomid. The clomid helped but the eggs were still too small even after increasing the dosage, so she recommended we try injectables.
I battled with my insurance company for a month trying to get them to pay for injectables, but they wouldn’t even consider paying a single bit unless I satisfied some ridiculous requests. The FS and her nurses even tried arguing with them with scientific evidence on why what they were requesting was unreasonable and a waste of money, but they wouldn’t budge. We decided to just go for it and pay out of pocket so I started on Follistim. Poor Chad had to give me shots in my stomach every night – he felt so bad, but did a great job! I had ultrasounds every other day, but there were still no improvements. The monthly grief cycle was so much worse with the medications that were messing with my hormones, but we just kept pushing forward. It didn’t help that my sister, sister-in-law, friends, and everyone around me it seemed were getting pregnant. Chad was so strong and was there for me every step of the way. He even surprised me when I returned from a weekend away with nursery furniture all set up saying he wanted to show me that he had no doubt in his mind that we were going to have a child, whether biological or adopted. This was the first time adoption seemed like a possible option.
We tried a couple more months of injectibles at higher doses with slight improvements, but had some strange results that my FS and staff had never seen. She felt terrible, but recommended that I go to a new doctor to try IVF, which she doesn’t do. We went to an informational session with our new Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) one evening to learn about IVF. During the meeting, they were giving away 4 tickets to a RESOLVE (national infertility association) conference in the Twin Cities the next weekend. Only us and one other couple were free that weekend, so we won! The conference had a lot of break out sessions covering different topics, such as IVF, international adoption, domestic adoption, foster care, and deciding to live child free. We went to the first break out session on IVF and left the room knowing that was not something we were going to do. The rest of the day, we only went to adoption break out sessions and felt like that could be an option for us but we knew we needed to pray about it for a while. We were overjoyed that night when we both woke up at the same time at 3am, with a clear answer from God that we were meant to build our family through adoption!
Thanks for reading! In the next post we’ll tell you all about the beginning of our adoption process so stay tuned.